


Falling

by vi_britannia



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Geass (Code Geass), F/M, I tried to write fluff, M/M, Playboy!Suzaku, Suzaku & Female OC Relationship Implied, bit of angst, collegeAU, mentions of abuse and alcoholism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 23:05:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18766132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vi_britannia/pseuds/vi_britannia
Summary: Newly moved college resident Lelouch Lamperouge becomes the target of Ashford Academy's resident playboy - Suzaku Kururugi.





	1. Chapter 1

 

* * *

 

 

_“she’s not afraid of all the attention, she’s not afraid of running wild. how come she’s so afraid of falling in love?”_

 

she’s not afraid; one direction

 

* * *

 

 

As Lelouch finally gathered the last of his luggage from the impatient cab driver, he huffed at the physical exertion from the last ten minutes.

It was then that he decided it was enough exercise for the week. Actually, scratch that. A month. _Yes, that exercise should be sufficient_ , Lelouch remarked internally. He glanced at the piles of bags around him, then to the stairs that led up to the ten-storey building. He prayed the building had elevators.

“Do you need some help?”

Lelouch’s gaze fell from the bags on the grounds and to the source of the voice. The student’s fiery red hair stood out over anything else. Her blue eyes reflected genuine concern.

Not wanting to embarrass himself, he started to reject her kind offer. “Thanks, but-”

The mysterious woman cocked an eyebrow in amusement. “Think about your next words _carefully._ I noticed you taking your bags out of the cab and you are now absolutely exhausted with just taking them to the sidewalk. Are you ready to haul it up those stairs?” The redhead let out a smile that reached her eyes. 

Lelouch stopped to think for a moment. “No, not really…”

She raised her right hand. “Kallen Stadtfeld.”

“Lelouch Lamperouge.” He responded as he shook her hand.

They set out a plan to drag the bags up into the building’s reception and followed it to a tee. In a quarter the time it would have taken Lelouch to do it by himself, it was done. Luckily, the building _did_ have a functioning elevator, and the administration lady provided a trolley to drop all the bags into.

Kallen and Lelouch chatted throughout the entire ordeal, and Lelouch decided he didn’t mind her company.

They finally reached room 717 – a shared two-bedroom unit. Lelouch knocked, in case his roommate was home, but after waiting a bit and not hearing a response, he took out the silver key and unlocked the door. “Do you help students in distress frequently?” Lelouch asked as a joke.

Meanwhile, Kallen actually responded. “Yes, actually. I’m the Resident Assistant in the International House college which is next to this building. I was just walking back when I found you. Any special reason as to why you’re moving in the middle of the semester?”

Lelouch rolled his eyes and sighed. The door squeaked as he opened the door and pushed the trolley in. “I’ve been studying through the online campus for the first half of this semester. Unfortunately, my mother thought it was unfair I wasn’t experiencing the ‘true college life’” Lelouch emphasised the quote with air quote gestures. “So she told me to ‘think about it’ – which really just means ‘do what I say or suffer the consequences’, so here I am. She was the one that picked this college for me and _of course,_ she made sure I had roommates. We had a discussion and negotiated, and I managed to make it so I only had to live with one other person.” Lelouch shuddered as he thought of her initial suggestion to live with _five more people_. _Five!_  

Kallen laughed. “Aren’t you such an introvert?”

“Yes, I suppose I am.”

He inspected the general areas of the unit carefully. Both the living room and the kitchen were fairly neat and organised. Lelouch let out a breath of relief. _Thankfully_ , he had a decent roommate. 

After the inspection, he started to move his bags out of the trolley and into the empty bedroom that was now his home. The walls were an off-white shade that seemed to match everything else in the room – which wasn’t really much. It only had a bed, a lamp, a study table, and a built-in closet.

“So what do you study?” Kallen inquired as she put down a black duffel bag on the foot of the bed.

“International Relations and Law. You?”

“Business.”

A knock on the door resounded throughout the dorm unit. Lelouch went to open the door and found a blonde figure, smiling too wide for her own good. “Hi! I’m Milly!" 

Lelouch offered a small smile. “I’m Lelouch.”

She beamed. “I know! I’m the resident assistant of this dorm, so if you need anything, I’m in room 101. Has someone already showed you around?”

He nodded. “Yes, someone from administration… Jamie, if I recall correctly, has shown me the amenities of the building.”

“Good, good!” Milly’s gaze fell behind Lelouch. “Hey there Kallen! I see you’ve gotten to my new resident before me.”

Kallen smiled awkwardly and gave her a small wave. “Yeah, I found him outside and offered to help out.”

Milly clapped her hands excitedly. “Anyway, Lelouch, you’ve moved in at such good timing! Our dorm is hosting one of its bigger parties tonight.”

Lelouch groaned internally. He needed a way to politely decline this one. “Sorry Milly, but parties aren’t really my thing.”

An incredulous look was sent his way. Lelouch felt _very_ judged. “No way! As RA, I’m in charge of every student in this building and I need to make sure everything lives up to the college experience!”

_Oh god, not another one._

“No, really-”

“No buts Lelouch! If I don’t see you tonight, I will personally drag you down to the party,” Milly warned with a dangerous glint in her eye.

“Fine,” Lelouch responded grudgingly.

Milly jumped. “Great! I’ll see you tonight!” She practically yelled before heading to the elevator.

Behind him, Kallen was laughing.

“Anything amusing?”

Kallen looked like she was still trying to stifle laughter. “Makes me wonder how Mr Introvert is going to survive a dorm party is all.”

Violet eyes glared at bright blue. “I’m really not looking forward to it,” he grumbled.

“Didn’t think you would!” Kallen continued laughing. “Anyway, I need to do some RA paperwork stuff. I’ll see you tonight.”

“Yeah, see you then.”

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Suzaku heard the booming music before he could even see the dorm building. Drunk students filled the stairs and he expertly made his way around all of them.

“This turnout is way bigger than last year’s,” Gino voiced his observations.

He glanced at his blond friend briefly. “Yeah, almost double, I think.”

Gino flicked his gaze to his best friend. “Well, you’re definitely going to find someone tonight then.”

Suzaku sighed. He really hoped he did. He was bored, frustrated, and his last plaything messed up his game too early. She had said she wanted _more._

No, Suzaku didn’t do _more_. He never has and he never will. So without a moment’s hesitation, he had ended the game between them. Because that was all that is to him - _a game._  

They push open the building’s main entrance and followed the source of the dance music, which was usually one of the bigger halls. More students filled the usually empty corridors. Some making out, some crying, and some munching on some chips.  

Once they reached the hall, the music rang in Suzaku’s ears. The place was decorated like some sort of fiesta and drinks adorned one of the corners. Suzaku happily approached them and grabbed a whiskey and coke. _Of course, Milly would go all out like this,_ Suzaku thought. He’s never met anyone quite as extravagant as the newly appointed RA.

Bursts of colours decorated the hall, with triangular banners strung from corner to corner, and a photo booth of some sort in one side. There were too many balloons to even bother counting. Seeing as there was such a huge crowd, he decided to start his search.

Suzaku scanned the crowd expertly, searching for his newest victim.

“Hey, who is Kallen talking to?” Gino pointed at an attractive black-haired boy talking to Kallen. He wore a red jacket with a plain black shirt underneath, paired with grey pants. On top of all that, he wore an expression of boredom. The sight of the brooding male led him to believe Milly probably forced him to go. He couldn’t help but chuckle quietly. “I think he’s new,” he added. 

Now _this_ got Suzaku’s attention. Because the stranger was – in every sense, his type. Smirking, Suzaku hummed in agreement with his friend. He’s found the one. The Japanese male formed a plan in his head on how to approach. For it to work effectively though, he needed one more thing.

“Distract Kallen,” Suzaku all but ordered.

Gino looked at him like a deer in headlights, putting his drink down on the table. “I’m pretty sure Kallen still wants to rip my throat out for breaking up with her. Plus, that was only _last week._ ”

Suzaku raised an eyebrow. “You owe me! I helped you clean out your entire _house_ after a party. It took us all day!”

The blond boy rolled his eyes. “Fine! But if I die tonight, I swear to haunt your ass forever. 

He waved him off and watched him speak to Kallen, who of course, looked like she was going to wring his neck. Miraculously though – she didn’t. Kallen sent an apologetic look to the stranger before leaving with Gino. Her dangerous gaze sent daggers to his best friend’s back.

Suzaku took this chance to cross the room and approach the mystery boy. He let out his signature smile. It was just like every other time. “Hey.”

The boy looked up at him. When their eyes met, Suzaku’s first thought was that he had the most beautiful eyes in the entire world. Come to think of it, he’s never even seen violet eyes on anyone before. He thought they might have even been contacts. “Hi.” The stranger gave him a once-over. 

“Suzaku Kururugi.”

He took another sip off his drink. “Lelouch Lamperouge."

“Lelouch.” Suzaku was surprised at how good the name felt rolling off his tongue. “I haven’t seen you around before.” 

“I just moved.”

The monotone nature of his responses made it absolutely _difficult_ to flirt with the male. But Lelouch was a challenge. And Suzaku has never backed away from a challenge. In fact, he loved them, _craved_ them even. There was nothing better than a game of hard to get and it has been a long time since he had to chase to get what he wanted. 

“You have such beautiful eyes, you know?” Suzaku peered at Lelouch’s reaction. A blush crept up his cheeks. _Yes, score! Now I’m getting somewhere._ “I’ve never seen violet eyes before.”

Lelouch let out a small smile. “Thanks,” he replied sheepishly.

Suzaku shifted slightly closer. “What brought you here?”

“To the party or Ashford Academy?" 

The Japanese boy laughed heartily. “I’m guessing the answer to the former comes in two easy words.” Lelouch raised an eyebrow, amused. “Milly Ashford,” he continued.

Lelouch grumbled, “I didn’t think she would make good on her threat to ‘drag’ me down to the party.” The raven-haired male recalled how Milly had practically done just that. Suzaku laughed again, his emerald eyes twinkled despite the dull lighting.

“So that answers the one end of the question. How about the other?”

“I switched campus mid-semester so now I’m living here to as my mother has put it ‘experience the true college life’” Lelouch had the most unamused look on his face. “I was perfectly happy not attending university on campus." 

Suzaku brushed his thigh against the other’s lightly, looking almost as if it was done ‘accidentally’. “I’m sure I can make it worth your while.”

“What… what do you study?” Lelouch stammered, ignoring Suzaku’s comment. It was a feeble effort to change the topic. He quickly regained his cool demeanour shortly after.

 _He doesn’t like losing control_ , Suzaku mused to himself.

“I’m studying Criminology,” he responded.

And that’s how it started. They talked for hours and hours. Suzaku realised Lelouch could be talkative when he wanted to, and he appreciated the conversations not dying as quick as it used to before. He found Lelouch more interesting than he thought, and he was proud of himself for picking a good one this time around. The last one – Trisha, was a mistake. She was way too clingy and annoying. His game usually lasts a month tops, but he had no choice but to end it as soon as it began.

In the wee hours of the morning, the crowd disappeared little by little, until there was only a few left with some passed out on the ground. When Lelouch clutched his red jacket tighter around himself, Suzaku suggested heading back as he could see the other male was getting cold. 

Suzaku and Lelouch stepped into the elevator and the Britannian pushed the button for the seventh floor. Feeling risky and fuelled with the confidence that only alcohol could deliver, Suzaku pushed Lelouch to the side of the elevator, and placed both his hands on either side of him, caging the violet-eyed male. He lifted his right hand and held Lelouch’s face. Without a moment’s hesitation, Suzaku pressed his lips against Lelouch’s gently. He gently dropped his hand to gaze at him.

Then the Britannian did something he didn’t expect.

Lelouch ran his hands through Suzaku’s hair and pulled him closer, kissing him like it was his last.

When Lelouch finally pulled away, his eyes widened, before he tried to collect himself. Keyword: _tried._ He was a blushing mess. Suzaku wanted to pat himself in the back for a job well done. Seeing the boy so flustered sent a smirk to his face. 

“I-”

“Go on a date with me tomorrow?”

Lelouch nodded and gave him a smile.

The elevator dinged as it finally reached the seventh floor. Suzaku followed Lelouch to his room. He produced the key from his pocket and turned right, to room 717.

His room.

 _Fuck._ Suzaku cursed under his breath.

Of course Lelouch had to be his new roommate.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Violet eyes sleepily fluttered open. Lelouch groaned loudly when the stab of a headache hit him. He glanced at the alarm clock sitting on the bedside table.

_2:37 PM_

The Britannian emitted another groan. He’s never slept in this late before. He was lucky he didn’t have any lectures or seminars that day. Shaking the thoughts away, he finally noticed the glass of water and two Advil pills on the table. Beside them was a note in fairly plain writing.

_For that headache in the morning… or afternoon? – S.K._

Lelouch thought of last night’s events as he took the teal pills and sipped some water. He couldn’t believe he lost so much of his control… all because of that _Suzaku Kururugi_. There was something about him that just made Lelouch want to drop his guard. Not that he was going to, anyway. _Why did I agree to go on a date with him in the first place?_ He scolded himself for the decision. But he couldn’t deny the charisma that Suzaku possessed.

He stood up and made his way to the closet, sifting through the clothes he was so glad he already put up yesterday. He wasn’t too sure what he was _meant_ to wear in the first place because of two main reasons. One, he didn’t know where they were going, and two, this was going to be his first date.

He sighed, deciding on some black jeans, a dark grey shirt, and topped with the university’s black and gold varsity jacket to carry around– just in case it got cold. If he recalled Suzaku’s words last night correctly, he did say to wear something casual. 

Lelouch made his bed skilfully, with not a wrinkle in sight when he was done. He arranged the clothes in a neatly folded pile and picked up a fresh towel before heading outside to use the bathroom. He heard the water running in the shower, and realised Suzaku must still be in there. 

While he waited, he made himself a cup of coffee and toast despite being past lunch time, savouring the warmth it gave him. He turned on the TV to the news to watch as he cleaned the dishes. Apart from the overthrow of yet another Britannian revolution, nothing very interesting was happening in the world’s affairs that day.

The bathroom door clicked open and revealed a half-naked Suzaku, with only a towel loosely hanging around his waist. Steam escaped the bathroom door as he stepped out.

Lelouch could only stare at what could only be described as an athlete’s body. It was muscular and toned in all the right places. Beads of water adorned his sculpted body.

“If you take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he teased. A mischievous glint flashed in his forest-tinged eyes.

The familiar warm feeling crept up his cheeks again. _Get it together, Lelouch!_ “Where are we going?”

Suzaku playfully smirked. “It’s not a surprise if you know where we’re going. Just leave it to me, okay?”

“Fine,” Lelouch grumbled. He hated surprises. Hated not knowing what was going to happen and not being able to plan for them.

After getting ready, he moved back into the living room to find Suzaku lounging lazily on the grey couch. Lelouch studied the tan male for a moment, taking in his leather jacket with a crisp white shirt underneath, and dark jeans.

Suzaku stood and took a few long strides to Lelouch. “Hey there handsome.” He winked, shaking the Britannian out of his thoughts.

“Where are we going?”

A goofy grin appeared on the Japanese boy’s face. “I told you, it’s a surprise! And besides, if you didn’t take _ages_ in the shower we would have gotten there so much earlier.”

Lelouch rolled his eyes and Suzaku got the answer he needed. He led the way to the carpark and to his car – a sleek dark grey Chevrolet Camaro.

“Meet Cameron,” Suzaku proudly introduced, and Lelouch stifled a laugh. “What?” His brow raised.

“I’m terribly sorry… it’s just,” Lelouch bit back another laugh. “One, you named your car.” Suzaku shot a look of protest and was about to speak but Lelouch continued, “and two, _Cameron the Camaro_? That’s very creative. Tolkien would be absolutely proud.”

“Hey! Cameron has feelings too. He’ll hear you,” Suzaku warned with a playful smile. “Besides, he’s taking us to our date, so you be nice to him or we’ll break down or something.” And with that, Suzaku hopped inside the car – the smoothest, Lelouch might add, that he has ever seen anyone get in a damn car.

 _Since when did I pay attention to how people got inside their car?_ He shook off his thoughts and got in the opposite side, appreciating the matte black interior.

Pendragon being a coastal city, Lelouch wasn’t surprised when Suzaku chose to take the scenic route. The sun shone brightly as ever, and the waves peacefully claimed the beach. Overall, it was just really beautiful. Lelouch wondered the last time he even went to the beach. 

They might not have even arrived at their destination yet, but Lelouch was having a good time. They spoke animatedly, learning more things about each other. He found out Suzaku’s favourite colour was green, he wanted to become a detective, his favourite food was a Japanese chicken curry bowl, and he was most definitely an athlete – seeing as he mastered kendo, karate, archery, and he was on the university’s soccer team.

Lelouch couldn’t remember when, but at one point, he stopped caring about where they were going and just enjoyed his time with Suzaku. There was nothing else he could have wanted more. 

The drive was perfect and smooth.

That is, until the car broke down.

“See? You made Cameron upset.” Suzaku pointed at the perpetrator, playful scowl on his face, when he finally got the car to the side of the road.

“I hardly doubt it. Plus, you’re the one that jinxed it in the first place.”

Suzaku jumped out of the door and tapped the roof of the car. “Don’t worry Cameron, you’ll be alright,” he soothed the automobile.

“Do you take your car out for dinner sometimes too?” Lelouch commented.

“You’re just jealous,” Suzaku huffed. He took his phone out and contacted what Lelouch assumed was roadside assistance. He was walking around as he spoke, his voice rising towards the end. “Fine!” He screamed into the device.

Lelouch approached him with worry, placing a hand on his shoulder. “Everything alright?”

“No, unfortunately, seeing as we’re a bit far from central Pendragon, they’re finding it difficult to send someone over here. No one’s going to be able to come until tomorrow,” Suzaku explained. “But we are close to the destination now if you don’t mind staying the night? It’s Saturday tomorrow so there are no classes anyway.”

“Hm, stay out here in the cold or stay the night with you?” Lelouch raised an eyebrow. “Tough choice.”

Suzaku gazed at him in disbelief. “Hey!” The boy was lost in thought and his eyes twinkled in mischief. He had an idea. His incredulous expression was quickly replaced with a confident smirk. “Actually, maybe I can help with your decision-making.”

“Hm?” Violet irises showed his interest was piqued. “How do you plan to do that?”

Suzaku backed Lelouch against his car. “Maybe I can give you a sneak peek,” he whispered in his ear. His tongue brushed the other male’s earlobe barely, and he bit it lightly, emitting a gasp out of the charcoal-haired boy. 

A few cars had passed them at this point. One beeped and another had someone open the window and whistled at them.

He made his way back up to his ear. “Spend the night with me?”

Lelouch cleared his throat awkwardly. “I suppose…”

Suzaku gave out a triumphant smile. He pulled out his phone and browsed his applications. “I’ll get an Uber to take us the rest of the way.” Suzaku glanced back up at Lelouch. “Also, I was just joking. There’s more than one bed at the place we’ll be staying at, but I’m glad I was able to convince you to think about it.” He winked.  

Lelouch burned red.

Eventually, a silver Toyota Camry came to pick them up and Lelouch found themselves in a rustic beach house as the sun was setting for the day.

“We’re just on time!” Suzaku clapped. He held Lelouch’s hand and guided him to the house’s porch. They sat there for a while – until the yellow and orange hues in the sky turned to navy blue, then black.

Lelouch gazed at the awestruck Japanese. “You brought me here to watch the sunset?”

“Well.” Suzaku scratched the back of his head. “Kind of. You mentioned the other night that you liked beaches and it’s been forever since you’ve been in one, so I thought I’d bring you here.”

Lelouch’s heart swelled. The boy had a good memory. In fact, he didn’t even remember talking about that. The copious amounts of alcohol he must have had that night might have wiped it from his memory. “Also, where is _here_?” He finally remembered to ask.

“It’s the Kururugi beach house. Come on, I’ll show you around!” He grabbed Lelouch’s hand again and toured him around the bungalow. And a simple one it was. It had three nautical themed bedrooms adorned with ship, anchor, and rope decor, and everything else seemed to be country-styled – the kitchen, dining room, and the living room areas. Lelouch admired the intricate interior designing, evident in the little details. 

Amidst all the staring at the very few family pictures and watching Suzaku grow up in them, Lelouch yawned.

“Time for bed?” The voice came from behind him and he felt arms around his waist. Lelouch had decided then that he liked this very much.

Another yawn broke out of the Britannian, and he sleepily muttered a response that he hoped sounded like a ‘yes’.

Suzaku guided him to one of the rooms and helped him into the bed. “There you go. I’ll be in the room down the hall if you need me.”

Lelouch’s sleepy eyes opened a tiny bit. “Stay.”

He didn’t know why he said that at all. No, he had absolutely no clue where it came from, but it did. From his _own_ mouth. 

Suzaku chuckled. “Aren’t you moving fast?" 

His lips just moved without warning. “Please?”

“Since you asked so nicely.” Suzaku took his shoes off and slipped under the covers. 

The internal battle within him immediately halted when he felt Suzaku’s warm body against his. He inched a little bit closer towards him. Suzaku took the hint and draped an arm over Lelouch and pulled him closer. 

 _Ah, but it feels so right_.

It was then that Lelouch decided he also liked this very much.

Very _very_ much.

 


	4. Chapter 4

 

“You brought him to the beach house on your first date?” Gino’s eyes widened and Suzaku’s nod confirmed his suspicions. “Shit, you normally don’t bring them there until you’re a few weeks in. You’re not…” he hesitated, then peered at his friend. “Falling in love with him, are you?”

 _Love? Ha!_  

Suzaku laughed so much that he started to tear up. “No, Gino. You know I don’t do that. Lelouch is just different from the others. He’s a little bit harder to play and I’m trying to work around that.”

And it worked. He was playing Lelouch like a violin. Suzaku recalled the night at the beach house, smirking. He thought it was going to be harder to rope him in, but it was so much easier than he thought. 

The blond male sighed as he plopped on his black couch. “Why do you do this?”

 _He meant that rhetorically, right? He didn’t just seriously ask that question._  

Emerald green eyes narrowed. “You of all people _know_ why, Gino. There’s no such thing as love. It’s a figment of our imagination _._ Love destroys people and they need to see that.”

He recalled the night his father left for good. Genbu Kururugi packed a bag and never looked back. He never even bothered to say goodbye.

He then remembered his mother hating it whenever she even saw his face and heard his voice. 

_“Stupid child. Why do you have to look so much like him?!” She screamed at the young boy. Her only son. A bottle was half empty in her clutches, and the liquid swirled around as she flailed her arms around._

_Suzaku’s eyes flooded with tears. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry!” He would keep repeating, but she would never accept his apologies._

_The woman who brought him into this world gave him a look of pure disgust. “You’re the reason why he left. It’s all your fault. You ruined this family!”_  

And that was how it always went. Being his best friend, Gino always offered his house as a place to stay. Especially on the nights that she was drunk out of her mind and would likely hurt Suzaku – emotionally or physically, she’s done them all so many times that he finally lost count. But most times Suzaku felt he was being a burden to Gino’s family, so he usually refused and dealt with it the way he always has. Alone.

Then he met _her._  

Olivia.

She brought him back to life. All those times he felt like giving up, she was the light to his darkness. Suzaku gave her everything. All his time, whatever little was left of his money, his innocence, and of course, _his heart_.

But as it turns out, it was all one-sided. Suzaku meant nothing but a game to her. He gave her everything, and in return, she broke his heart.  

Olivia laughed when she ended it between them. She _laughed._

It was that fateful day that Suzaku Kururugi no longer existed.

“They need to feel the same pain I did. They need to know love means _nothing_ ,” he seethed.

Gino winced. “Suzaku, you’re my best friend. I promised I’d help you through anything and I’ve been supportive of well,” Gino gestured at Suzaku. “You. But don’t you think it’s time people stopped getting hurt?”

Suzaku glared at Gino. “I’m playing them before they play me. It’s never going to happen again, Gino. _”_

“Not everyone’s like Olivia, you know?”

Of course, Suzaku knew that. The more important question was - but what if they were? It wasn’t something he was willing to risk, and besides, he no longer had a heart to gamble anyway. 

Suzaku wanted to appear like the name couldn’t affect him anymore. But he failed miserably. He clutched his shirt as he felt the familiar pain in his chest. _Why do you still hurt me to this day, Olivia? Why are you still tormenting me?_

Gino’s blue eyes glazed with worry. “It’s going to be an endless cycle, Suzaku. Like bullying. The bully’s victim will end up being the next bully if no one does anything. _You_ need to stop this. End the cycle.”

The Japanese boy paced back and forth in Gino’s living room. “Why are you talking to me about this all of a sudden?” When Gino was silent, Suzaku got the answer almost immediately. “Ah, so Kallen put you up to this, huh?” He grimaced.

“She _suggested_ I do it because she _knows_ you and she didn’t want her friend getting hurt. But that’s not what matters here, because for once, I think she’s right.” Gino stood and towered over Suzaku. “You need to re-evaluate this.”

“I’m not going to change, Gino. Either you accept that or leave.”

Gino nodded. “I see.” He picked up his backpack and slung it lazily over his shoulder. “I have a class, I’ll see you around. Lock the door on your way out.” Then he turned on his heel without another word.

Suzaku sighed and embarked on the five-minute journey back to his dorm room.

Gino’s words resonated in his head the entire time. _Should I change? No! No. It can’t happen again. I won’t let it._

As he walked in the hallway of the seventh floor, a delicious aroma wafted in the air. Suzaku was surprised to find it coming strongly from Room 717.

He opened the door and the first thing his eyes landed on was Lelouch in a pink apron.

Suzaku’s first thought was that Lelouch was _adorable._

He shook his head violently. _Of all words_ \- _Adorable?!_  

“Suzaku?” Violet eyes were filled with worry.

Suzaku smiled. “I’m alright. I was just thinking of how good you look in your pink apron.” He winked.

The Britannian burned red and Suzaku chuckled. “Th-thank you. My little sister, Nunnally, got it for me for Christmas last year. 

The smell brought Suzaku back to his senses and he finally noticed the table – now adorned with a variety of Japanese food.

Green eyes widened. “Lelouch! You didn’t have to-”

Lelouch took a step forward and gave him a quick peck on the lips. “It’s my thank you for the other day. I had such a wonderful time. Also, you mentioned missing home cooked Japanese meals… so I tried my hand at the new cuisine.”

He sent him the signature Suzaku smile. “Of course. Thanks, Lelouch. This is really thoughtful.”

Suzaku’s heart swelled as he looked back at the array of dishes. No one’s ever done anything like this for him. _Ever._  

He took a seat and tried every single one, making sure to savour every moment. “All of these are so good!” He complimented after his belly was full.

“I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Suzaku.”

“What’s wrong?” Suzaku asked when he saw Lelouch hesitate.

He shifted again as if something was bothering him. “I just have something to ask,” he said quietly. His gaze met Suzaku’s.

“Yeah?”

“The night after the beach house… I heard you screaming in your room. Like you were having a nightmare. By the time I got to your door and was about to knock, it stopped. Are you okay, Suzaku?”

The brunet dropped his gaze from Lelouch and to the floor. “I get nightmares sometimes… They kind of just come and go.  I’ve had them for a while. Don’t worry about it.”

Lelouch nodded. “Very well. Will it make you feel better to have someone with you? To sleep with?”

 _Yes._ “No, I’ll be fine, Lelouch.”

His violet irises still held worry, but he decided to drop it. He cleaned everything up – regardless of Suzaku protesting, and retired to their rooms.

That night, like always, Suzaku’s nightmares had returned to haunt him. But a certain raven-haired boy barged into his room like a knight.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Suzaku screamed, sitting up. His eyes were wide with fear.

“Shhh, it’s going to be okay.” Lelouch stroked his hair and held him close to his chest.

Suzaku relished in the boy’s warmth and sweet lavender scent and succumbed back to his dreams.

For the rest of the night, Suzaku didn’t have nightmares. Instead, he only dreamt of mesmerizing violet eyes.

 


	5. Chapter 5

 

_A dangerous glint flashed in Kallen’s blue eyes. “You’re dating Suzaku Kururugi?” She practically growled as she cornered Lelouch in the hallway on his way back to the dorm._

_Lelouch gulped in response._

_“He’s bad news!” Kallen warned. “He’ll use you, then when he gets bored, he’ll dump you. That’s how he works.”_

_He blinked in confusion. “What?”_

_Kallen huffed, “Sometimes I forget you only popped up a few days ago.” She released her hold on Lelouch. “Suzaku Kururugi, Ashford Academy’s very own notorious playboy. He has quite a reputation, Lelouch.”_

_That explains all the constant staring from every single person within a ten-metre radius. Ah, a lot of things started to make sense too. The ones that followed Suzaku around, giving him little presents, stalking them when they were out together, and those that knock in the dorm looking for Suzaku for no reason at all._

_Lelouch shook his head. But he doesn’t act like-_

_“I suppose that’s what makes him a good one, huh?” Kallen interrupted._

_He didn’t realise he voiced his thoughts out loud. “He just doesn’t seem like it. And he hasn’t done anything so far.”_

_Kallen scowled, but then her eyes softened. “Until it’s too late! You’re my friend and I just don’t want you getting hurt.”_

_Lelouch smiled and put a hand on her right shoulder. “I appreciate your concern. I’ll talk to him.”_

_“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” The redhead muttered under her breath._

 

Lelouch shifted in his seat, accidentally kicking the bag full of groceries in his feet. He had been thinking about Kallen’s warning for a few weeks now.  

“So what did you want to meet here for?”

The Britannian flicked his gaze to Suzaku, who finally arrived. He checked his watch. “You’re late.”

Suzaku smiled apologetically as he took a seat in front of Lelouch. “Sorry, the rain was kind of sudden.”

Lelouch glanced at Suzaku’s hair and clothes, damp from the pouring rain outside the coffee shop. “That’s alright.”

The waiter approached their table. With his eyes set on Suzaku, he flicked his hair and shifted towards him. “What can I get for you?”

Suzaku smiled that _smile._ That one that would make everyone’s, _anyone’s_ knees drop. “I’d like a caramel latte please.” He pointed at Lelouch. “And he’ll get an Americano, with two sugars.” The waiter smiled flirtatiously and left with their orders, his hips swaying unnaturally excessively.

Lelouch narrowed his eyes at the retreating waiter. “Didn’t it occur to you that I might have wanted something else?”

Suzaku raised an eyebrow. “Like what, Lelouch? You order the same thing every time.”

While Lelouch did think that Suzaku memorising his coffee order was in all sense of the word _cute_ , his argumentative nature wouldn’t let him admit to it. Violet eyes scanned the dainty coffee shop. It landed on a jar of cookies. “What if I wanted a cookie?” 

“And did you want a cookie?" 

 _Not really…_ “Perhaps.”

“I’ll get you the cookie if you want, Lelouch." 

 _Frustrating boy!_ “I don’t want the cookie!” 

Suzaku chuckled. “Why are you being so snappy? Did you have to speak to Milly today?”

His thoughts shuddered upon hearing the name. Lelouch was terrified of only a few things – and Milly Ashford was one of them. “No.”

“Then why?” He asked, just as the waiter returned with their drinks and placed it on the table. He slipped a piece of paper towards Suzaku and took his place behind the counter to greet the waiting customers.  

He glared at the note, knowing it was his number.

Suzaku held Lelouch’s hand across the table, using his thumb to rub it soothingly. “Lelouch Lamperouge, are you jealous?”

 _Yes._ “No.”

“Yes you are,” Suzaku teased.

“If you had a dollar for every number that people throw at you, you’d be able to buy another Cameron.” Lelouch sighed. “Fine, yes. I’m jealous,” he admitted, avoiding his gaze. 

“I don’t need anyone else’s number though. I only need yours.” Suzaku smiled _that smile_. It was hard to resist, and Lelouch found it difficult to stay angry. How could he ever stay mad at him for so long? It was just impossible. He was trapped in some sort of an unbreakable spell that he couldn’t get out of.

“Anyway, why did you want to meet up so urgently?” Suzaku tilted his head.

Lelouch cleared his throat and pulled his hand away from his touch. He missed the warmth almost immediately. “I spoke to Gino today." 

Suzaku peered at the violet-eyed boy. “About?”

Lelouch licked his lips, before taking a sip of his coffee. “You.”

“What about me?" 

The raven-haired boy raised an eyebrow. “Does July 10 ring a bell to you?”

“That’s today’s date, why?” 

“It’s your birthday!”

“Oh.” Suzaku sipped his latte. “Right. Yes, it is.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why were you talking to Gino?”

 _Why are you asking a question with a question?_ “Gino stopped by to see Kallen while she was with me and he let it slip. 

Suzaku narrowed his eyes. “That traitor.”

“I made plans.”

“For what?”

Lelouch rolled his eyes. “For your birthday, you idiot.”

The Japanese shook his head. “You don’t have to do that. I don’t celebrate my birthday anyway.” He had a faraway look in his eyes. 

 _Why are you so stubborn?_  

Lelouch finished the rest of his coffee and set the cup down. “I _refuse_ to take no for an answer. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Milly Ashford, it’s persistence. I’m _not_ backing down.”

Suzaku bit his bottom lip. “Fine." 

“Perfect,” Lelouch said smoothly. “Now let’s go.” 

Suzaku glanced at the pouring rain outside. He pouted. At the sight, Lelouch nearly just _lost it._ “But it’s raining.”

Lelouch glared at the scene outside. It was the stupid rain’s fault that he couldn’t do much for Suzaku’s birthday. He stood, pushing the seat back, and picked up his bag of groceries. “It’s fine, we’re staying indoors." 

“Oh, what’s that for?” Suzaku eyed the grocery bags. 

Lelouch pursed his lips. “It’s a surprise.” 

“No fair!” Suzaku whined.

He kept whining until they arrived back at their dorm room and Lelouch had prepared all the ingredients – complete with his pink apron and all that.

Suzaku peered at Lelouch’s expert cooking hands chopping some carrots. “What are you making?” 

Lelouch smiled proudly. “I’m making you a chicken curry bowl. It’s your favourite, isn’t it?” Suzaku’s eyes widened and he smiled the biggest smile Lelouch had ever seen. Like a child receiving candy for the very first time. “We’ll have that while we’re watching Dark Knight, which should be your favourite movie...” He prayed Gino told him the right one.

And so that’s what they did. 

Cuddled on the couch, Lelouch and Suzaku graced in each other’s warmth (and chicken curry bowls), with the steady pitter-patter of the rain against the windows.

Lelouch thought everything was absolutely perfect, but Kallen’s words still tugged at his thoughts. In fact, it tugged at his every being. It was all he could think of.

As the end credits rolled, Lelouch recalled all the times he’s had with Suzaku. He wasn’t the type who _used_ people. From the moment he’s met him, he was nothing but kind, gentle, and sweet. Nothing like the heartbreaker that Kallen was setting him up to be. If anything, the only thing that he could think of that bothers him was Suzaku’s secrecy. Despite asking him many times, Suzaku would never tell him what his nightmares were about, nor has he revealed why he never celebrated his birthday.

Gino did advise him not to do anything for him, but Lelouch was stubborn. Actually, he even regretted slipping the little bit of information out, pleading with Lelouch not to tell Suzaku what he had done. But he was determined to grant Suzaku the birthday he’s never really had. 

_But why not celebrate it?_

“What’s on your mind?” Suzaku shifted from Lelouch’s shoulder to look at him. His brown hair was more tousled than usual and some bits were sticking up.

Lelouch dropped his gaze. “Nothing.”

Suzaku raised his hand to Lelouch’s cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“Are…” Lelouch hesitated, shaking his head. “Never mind. It’s nothing.” He stood up and piled the dishes before heading to the sink to wash them. 

The Japanese boy wrapped his arms around him from behind. “Something’s bothering you, isn’t there?”

Abandoning the dishes, Lelouch turned around to face the other male. “Are you serious about this?” He gestured between the two of them. “About us?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” His mouth was set, and his eyes were firm. 

_Stop answering questions with questions!_

“I’ve heard about you,” Lelouch admitted quietly. His stare kept its hold on emerald green orbs. “They aren’t really good things.” 

_Heartbreaker and playboy Suzaku Kururugi._

Suzaku tensed. “I wouldn’t hurt you, Lelouch. This is real.” He reached out to touch him, but Lelouch stepped to the side.

“That’s what a player would say.”

“It’s also what an _honest_ person would say. Because it’s the truth.”

Lelouch’s jaw clenched. “Don’t lie to me." 

 _How do you tell if someone’s telling the truth?_ Lelouch panicked, not knowing what to do or what else to say. 

_Should I just end whatever ‘this’ is? To save myself? But Suzaku was hurting, he knew that. He kept some dark secrets to himself and it was after him. Could he leave him alone knowing that?_

_But he has Gino. Surely, his best friend would help him?_

Lelouch recalled Suzaku screaming at night. _I’m sorry_ , he would shout. He was upset that Suzaku had to go through such horrible things, and Lelouch didn’t even know how to make it better.

The past few weeks have been the happiest Lelouch had ever been in his life. It was a refreshing change to his otherwise predictable and stoic lifestyle.

“I love you, Suzaku.”

Suzaku visibly froze. “Love isn’t real.”

Electric violet eyes pierced emerald green. “All I know is that I couldn’t stand the thought of losing you. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.”

“Love doesn’t exist, Lelouch. I thought you were smarter than that.” Suzaku stepped back. “I’m not doing this with you anymore.”

_No, didn’t you just hear what I said? I can’t lose you, idiot!_

The Britannian reached for the other male, but he stepped even further back. “But Suzaku-”

Suzaku’s eyes brimmed with hidden tears. “Yes, Lelouch. I used you. You don’t mean anything to me. You’re nothing but a game.” He turned abruptly, then headed out the door, slamming it close in the process.

Lelouch – stoic and cynical, had finally worn his heart on his sleeve and reaped its consequences. He stood alone on the cold kitchen tiles, letting a lone tear escape.

He had to face the truth – Suzaku was never his and never will be. 

And with that, he learned he should have kept his heart shut.

 


	6. Chapter 6

 

To state that Suzaku Kururugi was a mess is _highly_ underrated. 

As a matter of fact – he was falling apart.

“You know, normally _they_ cry and mope, not you,” Gino commented. He ran his hand through his blond hair and leaned back on his couch. “It’s been a week since you ended things with Lelouch and you still practically never left my couch. Sure you weren’t falling in love with him?” He raised an eyebrow.

The sound of his name made his heart skip a beat, which he promptly ignored.

Lucky for him, Gino was kind enough to let him crash at his house while effectively hiding from Lelouch. Unfortunately, because of that very reason, he had to deal with Kallen every time she was over to see Gino. She decided to stop lecturing him a few days ago, and he was _incredibly_ thankful that she’s just resorted to the death stares now. 

Suzaku scowled at his best friend, both his hands locked on tousled brown locks. “No,” he seethed. “I can’t be." 

Gino sat upright, taking a sip from his water, and returning it to the black coffee table with a soft thud. “Then why are you hiding from him? Suzaku, _everyone_ sees it. You love him back, don’t you?” When Suzaku shook his head violently, Gino continued, “He’s different from everyone else. He did things that no one else has ever done for you – he’s cooked your favourite meals, probably made you celebrate the best birthday you’ve ever had – before what happened anyway, helped you through your nightmares, and loves _you_ for who you are.” 

“You know I can’t, Gino,” Suzaku said quietly. _And you know why._

“Stop this!” Gino stood quickly. “It hurts me to see you stop yourself from being happy. You have a chance at it. Take it!”

Suzaku folded his arms in determination. “I refuse. If I become vulnerable, it might happen again. I won’t let it.”

Gino practically yelled. “Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn?”

“Because I know what that pain is like, and I’m not going through that again.” Emerald green eyes narrowed. “This is what the game is, Gino. When they start to fall in love with me, I leave them. I’m just doing what I always have been."

“But he’s different! You _know_ he is!” Gino waved his arms around in frustration.

But Suzaku had already made up his mind. “I’m going to a party tonight, take someone home, get Lelouch out of my system, and get back in the game.” 

“You’re going to hurt him.” Blue eyes pleaded with green. “And if you decide to go through with this, you’ll lose him.”

Suzaku licked his lips, remembering the warmth of Lelouch against him. His chest tightened hearing his last words. “I know.” _And it would teach him that he shouldn’t have fallen in love with me in the first place._

But if he said he didn’t care that he hurt him, he would be lying. These were the rules to the game, and he was simply adhering to them.

Gino sighed. “Also, for the record, I _refuse_ to let you fuck anyone on that couch. Or everywhere else in _my_ house for that matter.” 

“Fine.”

Ignoring Gino’s calls of his name, Suzaku grabbed his leather jacket and stormed out the door.

He arrived at the house party shortly. It was already quite late, so it was already packed with people. He squeezed his way through the crowd, well aware of the stares he was receiving. He went straight to the kitchen to get a drink. 

Suzaku Kururugi loved the attention. He loved the thrill of freedom and being able to do whatever he wanted. It was all a reminder of what he couldn’t have in his childhood – and overcoming it. He was his own self now. He was free.

After Olivia, Suzaku started to put himself over others. He broke through the hold his abusive mother had on him and finally started deciding for himself. He worked twice as hard, got into his top university choice on a partial scholarship, moved to Pendragon, and earned enough money to buy Cameron. It was second-hand, but it did the job, and it reminded him of how far he had come. It reminded him of what he could accomplish if he stopped letting love get in the way.

He nearly stumbled back a few years ago when he found his father had passed away unexpectedly from a cardiac arrest, and his mother, from liver cancer, because of all the excessive drinking. At the time, he almost lost it all again as his past caught up to haunt him. But Gino had helped him through that difficult time and he found himself up again. Only barely. 

“Hey.”

Suzaku blinked, shaking himself out of his thoughts. His attention drifted to a guy leaning against the granite kitchen counter. “Hey.”

His head was starting to get a bit hazy, and he had already lost count of how many drinks he’s had. He tried to concentrate as much as possible on the figure in front of him. He had black hair – _no,_ he corrected himself, it was dark brown. Black would mean it was as pitch-dark as Lelouch’s hair. It wasn’t.

 _Thinking about Lelouch again?_ A part of him pointed at himself accusingly. 

He had light grey eyes. They were beautiful, but not as beautiful as striking violet eyes. It was the first thing Suzaku noticed when he walked up to Lelouch that day.

_Get back to the game. Forget Lelouch._

His head snapped back to reality. He leaned against the counter, brushing the other male’s arm.

“Straight to the point, I like it.” He chuckled deeply. He lifted his arm and lightly touched Suzaku. “I’m up for some fun if you are.”

A lustful glint flashed in Suzaku’s emerald eyes. “Let’s go.”

It was cold outside, but the alcohol pulsing through Suzaku’s veins kept him warm. Within minutes, they were in front of Room 717.

A big part of him didn’t want to go inside. It was the same part that couldn’t bear to see Lelouch again.

The other male tugged his arm. “Come on.”

Suzaku brushed his lips against the other male's lightly. He waited for the same warmth – but it never came. Regardless, he needed to get a certain raven-haired violet-eyed boy out of his head.

He pushed all his hesitation aside and unlocked the door. They were just a few steps in the living room when Lelouch opened his door and stood in his doorway.

“Suza-” The Britannian stopped short when he looked up and found Suzaku’s company. Hurt flashed in his eyes, which quickly turned to hate. “Sorry to interrupt.”

He walked past them and slammed the door behind him.   

For a brief moment, Suzaku believed he can fix things between them. He thought maybe he could give relationships newfound hope. All he had to do was go after him. Run after Lelouch and tell him he was willing to give them a chance.

But he didn’t do any of that.

Instead, he took the other male to his room – finally realising his name was Aiden and did just as he had promised Gino he would do. Get Lelouch out of his system.

Except it didn’t work, as it never really removed the thought of Lelouch from his mind. The Britannian was always there - waiting. There was a constant reminder of his presence, and he couldn’t help but compare everything to Lelouch.

And so Suzaku brought a different person home every night. After Aiden came Noah, then Alex, then Mia, then Sophia. 

But none of them smiled like him, smelled like him, laughed like him, kissed like him, cuddled like him, or understood like him.

They weren’t Lelouch – and that was the problem.

Suzaku sat at the foot of his bed, seeing Lelouch’s university jacket draped against his study chair. He held it close and let the tears escape until he fell asleep. 

Nightmares haunted him through those nights, but there was no knight that saved him.

Not anymore.

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

“Lelouch, can you at least pretend you’re having a good time?” Kallen grumbled. She swirled her drink around before taking a swig.

Lelouch glanced at the scene around him – drunk twenty-somethings and incredibly loud music. His frown grew deeper. He spotted Gino making his way to his girlfriend. 

“Tell me, why are we here again? You said we were going out for dinner. This is _not_ dinner.” Violet eyes narrowed in infuriation at his red head friend. In an attempt to ease his nerves, he took a sip of the drink Kallen handed him. 

 _Beer_ , he realised it was. He wasn’t a big fan of it and tried not to make a face as he sipped. He was quick to set it down, intending never to touch it again. From Kallen’s cooler, he picked up a raspberry vodka cruiser and scoffed it down, feeling the burn in his throat in the process.

Blue eyes softened. “Lelouch, you need to go out and do something other than lock yourself in your room.”

He recognised that look as sympathy, and he _loathed_ it.

Lelouch raised an eyebrow and tipped his drink towards her. “As a matter of fact, I haven’t been home most of the time.”

Ever since Suzaku started bringing a fuck buddy home every night, he didn’t really feel like hearing, or even worse, _seeing_ what they’re doing. He had hoped Suzaku would turn around and change his mind about the whole thing – but it was obvious by how he treated the situation that he really did mean nothing to him. And he had to accept that.

So he’s been spending most of his late nights at the library or at the university’s 24-hour café. Safe to say, he’s been drinking so much coffee that it might as well be the only thing running in his veins.

When Suzaku left that day, he swore he saw tears brimming in his forest-tinged eyes. But it must have just been the light. The man had no regard for emotions whatsoever and saw it all as a morbid game of playing with people and their feelings. 

Lelouch has been in denial since – wondering if Suzaku would ever change his ideals for him. That he might be the one that will turn him. It was a laughable thought, and Lelouch had to again wonder why Suzaku had taken such a huge toll on him.

From what Lelouch had gathered – changing Suzaku was an impossible feat.

Kallen poured tequila into shot glasses and arranged lemon slices and salt on the side. Wanting to just forget the night, Lelouch took a couple and was left with the room spinning around him.

Gino had finally made his way through the mass of bodies dancing in the living room and stood beside Kallen. “Hey Lelouch.”

 _Ah, Gino. Suzaku’s best friend and Kallen’s boyfriend._ “Hi Gino.”

The fellow Britannian stared at the opposite direction of the room. His eyes narrowed. “Of course he’s here.” He cursed quietly, more to himself.

Lelouch turned around and his gaze landed on a familiar brunet entering the house. “Fuck,” he whispered. Then downed a couple more shots.

Gino shifted his gaze to Lelouch. “Have you spoken to him since that day?”

“No, and I don’t think I want to,” Lelouch slurred. 

“I know he can be a bit hard headed, but I think someone just needs to push him a bit more,” Gino explained. He clearly knew he was entering dangerous territory when Lelouch’s eyes flashed with anger.

Lelouch blinked, trying to speak more coherently. “And just get hurt in the process? I’d really rather not.”

“You love him though, don’t you?”

Lelouch pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. “He doesn’t want _me,_ Gino. He made that very clear last time. Oh so very clear!”

Kallen cleared her throat. “He’s on his way here.” 

“Please think about it,” Gino pleaded.

“I am _not_ dealing with him tonight,” Lelouch said resolutely. Ignoring Gino’s protests, he stumbled his way through the crowd after picking up more cruisers and made his way to the backyard. 

The night was still – nothing like the mess that was inside the house. He plopped on the grass, hugging his knees against his chest, and relished in the semi-tranquillity.

It was interrupted by a quiet voice. “Hi, you’re Lelouch, aren’t you?”

Lelouch turned to the source of the voice – it was a girl with long orange hair. “Yes. I’m Lelouch.”

She sat beside him and held her hand out. “I’m Shirley! I see you in some of my classes, but I’ve never introduced myself.” She greeted with a huge smile. “You’re just a little bit drunk, aren’t you?”

The smile was absolutely contagious, and he had to let even a little one out. “Nice to meet you, Shirley.” He laughed. “Yes, just a little.” He made a point to show Shirley the closeness between his pointer finger and thumb. He was certainly not a little bit drunk.

She seemed so genuinely nice. It was a rare thing to see.

“I came here with my boyfriend but he’s run off with his friends somewhere… I saw you out here alone and thought you might want some company?”

Lelouch smiled. “Thanks, Shirley.”

“I can see you’re a bit upset, Lulu, what’s wrong?” Her green eyes were filled with worry. For someone she’s just met. 

He had to chuckle internally at the nickname. He’s never had one before. He thought there was no harm in confiding with her, so he poured it all out. “Do you know Suzaku Kururugi?” When Shirley nodded, he took it as his cue to continue, “We _were_ dating.”

Her eyes widened as she listened intently. Lelouch felt tears threatening to come out, but he fought them back.

“And well, I suppose he only saw me as a game. And that’s all well and good, but I fell in love with him,” he rambled.

Shirley nodded, then held Lelouch’s hand. “It’s going to be okay, Lulu. I think basing from his reputation, he’s just afraid of commitment, but if you really love him, you should fight for him.”

Lelouch shook his head. “But he doesn’t want-”

“You know he doesn’t mean that, don’t you Lulu? I have him in a lot of my classes and he’s an absolute wreck. He hasn’t been himself lately, he’s been skipping classes, and he doesn’t really talk to anyone anymore. He’s never acted this way after anyone _ever_. Everyone’s wondering what got Suzaku in a twist and now I know,” Shirley smiled. “It’s you.”

Hope bubbled inside him, but he refused to let it take hold of him. If he had his hopes up for anything, it wouldn’t come true and he’d be back to square one.

“Lelouch,” A familiar voice called out. 

Shirley glanced from behind them and smiled at her companion. “I’ll see you around, Lulu,” she told him before standing up and going back into the party. Lelouch muttered a quick thanks for her advice before she disappeared inside.

“Suzaku,” Lelouch said quietly after they were alone. “What do you want?” He finished off the last of the cruisers he brought with him in a few gulps.

The Japanese male sat beside him on the damp grass. “Who was she?” He practically demanded. Lelouch detected envy laced in his words.

“Shirley.” When Suzaku looked like he was waiting for more, Lelouch rolled his eyes. “We were just talking. What do you care, anyway? Just leave me alone.”

“I miss you.” 

He felt his heart skip a beat. “You should have thought of that first, huh?” Lelouch’s words were cold, and stabbed Suzaku where it hurt the most. Suzaku winced.

They stood at the same time.

Lelouch started to make his way back inside the house when he felt a warm hand hold his to pull him back. “Please, Lelouch.” Suzaku cupped his cheek and kissed him softly. Violet eyes were lost in green.

“Lelouch, I need you,” Suzaku mumbled in between kisses, which were getting rougher after each one. “You’re _mine_ ,” he growled, as they stumbled back against the wall and lost themselves in each other. Suzaku fumbled under his shirt, feeling Lelouch’s soft pale skin underneath. Lelouch closed his eyes, losing himself in the sensations while his brain wondered why his mouth was moving at its own will and kissing him back.

He also wondered when the next time he was going to have the chance to kiss him again – and the only response he could think of was _never._ So he savoured the moment by kissing him back like his life depended on it. 

But the back of his mind still troubled him. He didn’t want to be so close to Suzaku only for him to turn around the next day and pretend he didn’t exist.

“Wait,” Lelouch murmured, pulling away. His face was only inches from Suzaku. It took all of his strength to stop. 

“Mm?” Suzaku hummed as he stared into the violet abyss.

“What does this mean?”

Suzaku held Lelouch’s face gently. “I want to be with you, Lelouch. I’m going to try – for you.”

The Britannian male lit up like a Christmas tree.  

Lelouch couldn’t recall the exact moment they left the house party and returned to their dorm room. He only woke to find himself on Suzaku’s bed, only wearing Suzaku’s shirt, and tangled in his sheets. And to top it all off, his head was pulsing with a migraine.

 _I slept with him?!_ He stared at the scene in shock, cursing himself for losing so much control and drinking _way_ too much.

Suzaku shifted in his sleep, murmuring Lelouch’s name quietly, then smiling softly. He reached out for him and pulled him close.

At the sight, Lelouch was conflicted.

Should he believe what Suzaku said last night? Was he really going to try?

Half of him wanted to stay, but the other half wanted to hide in fear that he was lying just to have sex with him.

But he clung on to the new hope that Suzaku was finally his.

A knock on the door shook him out of his thoughts. He moved Suzaku’s hand from around his waist as carefully as he could – but not carefully enough, as the brunet had woken up.

“Hey,” he smiled lazily, before giving him a chaste kiss. 

His heart warmed at the sight of sleepy emerald eyes. The moment was ruined when the impatient knocking started again. They both jumped out of bed, and quickly put some clothes on. Lelouch was the first to get ready, so he opened the front door. The Britannian was greeted by a blonde figure with hazel eyes. 

The strange peered from behind Lelouch and smirked. “Suzaku.”

Confused, Lelouch turned around to find a grief-stricken Suzaku. His eyes were wide, and his mouth was left open in shock.

“Olivia.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

“What do you mean he disappeared?!” Gino’s brows bunched together in question at the fellow Britannian. 

Lelouch dropped his head. “She showed up at our door, then Suzaku just grabbed his keys and left. I tried to follow him to his car, but he got there before me and he drove off.” 

Kallen’s gaze shifted to Gino. “Do you know anything about this?”

The blond Britannian sighed. “Olivia is Suzaku’s ex. But it’s more complicated than that.” 

Blue eyes were full of confusion. “He’s had plenty of ex-flames, Gino. Why is _she_ different?”

Deep down, it just clicked. Lelouch understood why.

“Suzaku doesn’t actually get together with the ones from his ‘games’. So technically, Olivia is his _only_ ex,” Gino said, sending a quick worried look at Lelouch.

_There it was._

He felt a pang in his chest, remembering what happened between him and Suzaku. “What did she do to him?” _and was she the reason why Suzaku couldn’t open his heart?_

He realised it was a stupid question to ask, as the answer was very likely to be a yes.

“Well, in short, she took out his heart, cut it into a couple of thousand tiny pieces, and burned them,” Gino grumbled. He covered his face with his hands then dropped them. “In all seriousness – Suzaku wasn’t always like… well, who he is. He was loyal, kind, and generous – at least until Olivia came into his life. She took advantage of him and his emotions. She took everything he worked hard for, and then she left him. Olivia told him it was all just a game to her.”

“ _Shit_.” Kallen’s eyes widened, not realising the complexity of the situation.

Gino continued, “And so essentially, he fell apart. Him doing all this is some sort of coping mechanism. But after being his best friend all these years, one thing _has_ finally changed. He met you.” He pointed at Lelouch. “You can change him. I know you can. Right now, he needs our help. I’m afraid he’ll tip over the edge like he did last time and just lose all the progress we’ve made. He’ll go back to being cold – and there’s no telling if we can ever get him back.”

Lelouch nodded. Hearing Gino’s explanation confirmed his deductions. He did think that something from Suzaku’s past must have been the underlying reason behind his behaviour. He also deduced the girl at the door had something to do with it. The moment he saw Suzaku’s horrified expression. He couldn’t erase the image from his head even if he tried.

“I know he’s being stubborn.” Gino sighed loudly. “But he’s trying. Believe me, he is. I’ve known him all these years and he was finally going to try again. With _you_ , Lelouch. That’s the only reason why I let him see you last night. He told me he was going to fix things between the two of you. But for now, we need to bring him back. At this point, we don’t even know where he could be.” His gaze cast on the floor. Gino prayed that they could still save his best friend.

Violet eyes snapped to the blond Britannian, now filled with firm resolve. “He’ll be at the beach house.” Some part of him just knew. And something about Suzaku was just calmer whenever they went there.

“Alright, let’s go get him back.” Gino stood quickly and acquired his car keys, and they were on their way.

The sights on the way to the vacation home didn’t have the same appeal as when he drove with Suzaku. As they made their way to the beach house, memories of Suzaku flooded his head, and he couldn’t help but wish he was back in time. Back to when things were much simpler.

Lelouch didn’t realise he was holding his breath until he let it out at the sight of Cameron parked in the beach house’s driveway.

 _He’s here!_ Hope filled him again.

“Go,” Gino urged. 

Without a second thought, Lelouch practically _jumps_ out of Gino’s Maserati and searches for Suzaku, who he finally spotted sitting on the sand, gazing at the vast horizon.

“Why did you follow me?” Suzaku’s voice interrupted the quiet scene. Emerald eyes stared at him questioningly. Lelouch couldn’t help but notice the redness in his eyes that indicated he had been crying.

Lelouch closed the steps between them and sat beside him. He held his knees close to his chest. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay. I want to be here for you. 

“I suspect Gino’s already told you about Olivia?” He turned his gaze to the waves claiming the shore. 

Even though Suzaku couldn’t see him, he nodded. “Yes.”

Suzaku sighed, before turning to the raven-haired Britannian. “She’s back because she knows my inheritance funds doesn’t kick in until I’m 21. She’s probably here to see if she can use me again. 

 _And it was your birthday just a few weeks ago,_ Lelouch put two and two together in his head. Fury grew inside him. He wanted to keep Suzaku from Olivia for good. She held an irreversible hold on him that kept him imprisoned. That kept him from believing anyone could truly love him. 

The violet-eyed male wrapped an arm around Suzaku’s shoulders and held him close. “She can’t hurt you anymore. I won’t let her.” His hand drifted to his tousled brown hair, ruffling it. “I’m not letting you get away that easily.”

Suzaku pulled away abruptly. Traces of sand drifted away in the wind as he stood up. “I’ve been nothing but horrible to you, Lelouch. I used you. I’m the last person in this world that deserves you.” His hands balled into fists, quickly turning white from the force. With tears forming in his forest-tinged eyes, he turned and started walking towards his car.

Realising this, Lelouch quickly followed him and grabbed his hand in a feeble attempt to stop his pursuit. “No. I’m not letting you get away. You are _not_ walking away from me again.” His voice quivered slightly.

“Didn’t you hear me? I don’t deserve you, Lelouch. I hurt you so many times I can’t even count. Please, just let me go,” he pleaded. “I’m a bad person.” 

Lelouch could feel him shaking and his heart sank. He wanted nothing more than to shield him away from the world’s terrors and keep him safe. “It’s not your fault, Suzaku,” he said quietly as he stepped forward and cupped his cheek. “ _Please_ let me be here for you.” 

“Why?” By now Suzaku has let the tears run freely down his cheeks.

“Because I love you.”

Suzaku fell on his knees. “Love doesn’t-” His voice faltered. “Love isn’t-” He closed his eyes and ran both his hands through his hair in frustration. 

Lelouch knelt gently and held Suzaku’s hands. “Let me love you, Suzaku. I won’t hurt you. I’m not Olivia. You deserve the whole world and I’ll do _anything_ for you.” Lelouch held Suzaku closely. He poured his love and passion into the gentleness of a chaste kiss. After all – actions spoke louder than words. 

Suzaku was visibly less tense. His shoulders slumped and the grip he had on Lelouch’s hands weren’t as tight. A single tear ran down his cheek and a small smile finally appeared on his face. “Anything?”

The Britannian’s chest felt lighter seeing Suzaku was alright. “Anything.”

“Will you overthrow an empire for me?” He joked, attempting to set the mood lighter. 

There was no hesitation in Lelouch’s voice. Suzaku might have been joking, but Lelouch meant it. “Yes. I think it would be pretty difficult, but I’m sure I can manage. Nothing’s impossible.” He winked playfully.  

Suzaku stared into violet eyes with longing and gratefulness. “Thank you, Lelouch. Thanks for coming here.”

“Like I said, I’d do anything for you. Also, if you’re totally serious about the overthrowing the empire thing, I have this great alias idea – Zero. What do you think?”

Suzaku laughed – one that Lelouch had identified as distinctly genuine. “Are you going to have a costume and everything?”

Violet eyes twinkled. “Maybe a mask of some sort… Also, I am quite fond of capes. I think I’d like one.”

The Japanese male finally stood up. He held out a hand to help Lelouch up. “I’m ready to head back. We shouldn’t keep Gino and Kallen waiting. Unless you’re still drafting those revolution plans?” Suzaku sighed dramatically. “I cannot believe my boyfriend is a revolutionary leader.”

_Boyfriend, huh?_

Lelouch liked the sound of that.

 


	9. Chapter 9

 

In a red retro-themed booth illuminated with the neon lights from the store’s sign, four friends sat with a milkshake each and a bowl of chips to split among them. In the dark hours of the night, the nearly empty diner was full of jokes and laughs.

It was one of those few times Suzaku Kururugi has felt _happy._

Gino boomed with laughter, barely getting his words out. “Back in high school, Suzaku was trying to show off this new move – he called it the ‘spinzaku’.” The Britannian paused, stifling his laughter. “So he went and tried to do it and ended up knocking himself unconscious. It made my day!”  

Suzaku cleared his throat. His eyes fuelled with determination. “I’d like to have you know that I _can_ do it now. _Perfectly,_ I might add. 

Kallen smirked. “Care to demonstrate?” When Suzaku withdrew back into his chair instead, the table was again full of laughs.

The Japanese male lazily slung his arm around Lelouch, who was drinking from his vanilla milkshake. He looked at Lelouch briefly before closing the gap between them. He was so close that Lelouch could feel his breath against his lips.

“You have some cream on your lip,” Suzaku smirked, then used his hand to wipe it away. He then moved to the side, to whisper in his ear, “I’d lick it off, but unfortunately we have some company.”

Lelouch turned into the brightest crimson as his eyes widened. Instead of talking, he just grabbed his drink and sipped some more.

“Can we keep this PG-13 please.” Gino rolled his eyes. He wiggled his eyebrows at Kallen, who sent him a playful scowl.

The night at the diner was about a week ago, and Suzaku couldn’t be happier. He now had what he thought he couldn’t ever have.

 _Love_.

If he was told at a younger age that there would finally come a day that he could rest at ease and trust the people around him, he would have laughed and pushed it off as a sick joke.

His phone buzzed from his pocket. He picked it up and glanced at the illuminated screen. It was a text from Lelouch.

_Meet me at the apartment. Now._

Heart beating wildly, Suzaku started to make his way to the unit as fast as physically possible. He thought he might have been hurt and needed help. 

It was when he swung the door open that he realised something was _very_ wrong. Something in his gut told him he shouldn’t be there. And as it turns out, he was right. The warning signs were there in the first place. 

Lelouch would _never_ leave the door unlocked and quite ironically enough, Lelouch wasn’t even here. Instead, Olivia walked out of his bedroom door.

Suzaku glared at the approaching blonde. “What are you doing here?”

She twirled her hair and closed the steps between them. “Is it wrong to pay my old friend a visit?”

The glare remained as he stepped back, feeling the couch behind him. “Yes, and you’re trespassing. How did you even get in here? And how did you know I was going to be here?”  

Olivia smirked, bringing a black item out from behind her back.

 _It was Lelouch’s phone. How did she even get that?_  

“I got the kind ladies from administration to let me in to ‘surprise’ my boyfriend for his birthday, and _your_ oh-so-careful boyfriend left this and I thought I’d come and play a little.”

 _Trust you to deceive others for your own gain_ , Suzaku cursed internally. It was always when he was happy that something from his past comes up and throws away everything he’s worked for.

“Just leave, Olivia. I have nothing to say to you.”

She did _not_ like that response. A mix of anger and mischief flashed in her eyes – a dangerous combination. She pushed Suzaku back, and though it wasn’t much force, the movement caught Suzaku off guard, and with the couch behind him, he fell backwards and slumped against one of the pillows. “What are you-” Suzaku started, but stopped in confusion.

Her eyes were glued to the door as she straddled Suzaku on the couch. As if on cue, the door opened, and Olivia leaned forward to press her lips against Suzaku’s. The door slammed shut almost immediately.

Realising what was happening, Suzaku’s eyes widened as he kept his mouth shut and pushed Olivia back. “What have you done?” Suzaku stood quickly and his head was in a haze. 

“You know what I want, Suzaku. Give it to me and I can tell him it was all just a misunderstanding.” She wore a look of triumph.

 _Money._ It was always what it boiled down to. Suzaku wanted to scream in frustration.

Suzaku glowered. “What makes you think I’d do that?” 

“Do you really think he’ll believe _you_ , Suzaku?” Her mouth curved up to a wry smile. “After all you’ve done to him? Oh, yes. I’ve heard all about you. You’ve made me so proud.” She winked.

The Japanese male headed for his room and picked up Olivia’s stuff, curling them into a ball and throwing it at her on his way out. “I don’t want to see you _ever again_ ,” he warned. “Also don’t expect to get in the building next time. I’m putting you on the block list.”

Olivia scowled, clutching her stuff against her chest. “You aren’t going to get him back. Not without me! He’s not going to believe you.”

Suzaku wanted to tear his hair out. He was _done_ being used. “I’d rather _die_ before giving you anything else to you, Olivia. You are not taking anyone or anything from me again. I’m done with your games. Now get out or I’m calling security on you.”

As soon as she stepped out of the room, Suzaku locked the door and made a run out of the building. He remembered that Lelouch’s safe place was the small café across the university grounds, and he figured that was probably where he was heading.

He let out a breath of relief when he spotted the familiar Britannian walking with his head down. 

“Lelouch!” He yelled.

When Lelouch heard him, he turned to the other direction, walking faster.

Suzaku caught up with Lelouch eventually and he jumped in front of him to stop him from moving forward. “Lelouch,” he panted, out of breath from the run. 

“What?” Lelouch snapped.

“Nothing happened. _Please_ believe me,” Suzaku begged. Emerald eyes shone with tears. “I can’t lose you, Lelouch.”

Lelouch dropped his head. “I know what I saw.”

“Let me explain everything. _Please._ At least give me that.”

Violet eyes met Suzaku’s sincere green eyes, which sparked with hope when Lelouch nodded. They sat down on a nearby bench. It was quiet for a while. Neither of them said a word and all that could be heard were the leaves rustling in the wind and the trees swaying.

Suzaku started by handing over Lelouch’s phone to him. His eyes stared at it curiously. “Where did you get this?”

The Japanese male sighed. “Olivia found it. Apparently, you left it somewhere? She never mentioned where.” He scratched the back of his head. “Anyway, she texted me with your phone. Saying to meet you urgently at the apartment. Turns out, she managed to secure a key from admin by pretending I was her boyfriend and got in. So, when I got to the apartment, she was in there waiting for me. Then she kept staring at the door, and I wasn’t really sure why?” Suzaku rambled, barely catching his breath. “Then out of nowhere she tried to kiss me, but I didn’t kiss her back I _swear_ to you. I pushed her away and I warned her never to come back.”

Suzaku raised his head to look at Lelouch. “And I understand if you don’t believe me. But before anything – I want to tell you that you mean so much to me. You’ve done things for me that no one has ever done before. You taught me how to trust again and you’ve made me _want_ to change. Even if you decide not to stay in my life, I’ll keep trying. For you, Lelouch."

“ _If_ we keep doing this…” Lelouch gestured at the both of them. “No more secrets, okay?” 

Suzaku nodded. “If we’re going to do this right, I need to tell you everything.”

“But you don’t have to tell me anything you’re uncomfortable with.” Lelouch looked at Suzaku with worry, when he visibly stiffened. He put a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to ease his nerves.

The other male’s shoulders slumped. “No. I want to tell you.” When he noticed Lelouch was listening intently, he continued, “My father left when I was young. After that, my mother blamed me for him leaving. She was drunk and abusive 95% of the time. Then I met Olivia, and she was able to help me through it. But in the end, after I gave her everything I had, she left and said it was nothing but a game to her. After I saved enough money and secured a scholarship here, I moved out and never came back. I never really saw my parents again considering the next time I would even hear about them is finding out they’re gone. My dad was considerably wealthy, and I could only assume he never had another family after us, as all the inheritance funds and the beach house went to me. Given we were from a small town, I’m sure everyone found out. _Including Olivia_.” He drew in a quick breath.

Suzaku started shaking slightly, and Lelouch held him close. “The reason I don’t celebrate my birthday is that all of the worst events in my life always seemed to fall on my birthday. The day my dad left, when Olivia dumped me, when my mother died… It’s all some sick coincidence. Like it’s the universe telling me that I’m a curse. 

Lelouch pulled him closer to hug the shaking Suzaku. “You aren’t a curse, Suzaku. You’re anything _but._ I believe you. I understand you and I understand what she’s capable of. I know you’re telling the truth.”

His heart jumped wildly. “She said you wouldn’t believe me, but I took a chance.”

“I’m glad you stood up for yourself,” Lelouch commended. He scooted closer to Suzaku. “When I saw you… I didn’t know what to believe. I may have acted rashly. I’m very sorry." 

The brunet kissed Lelouch briefly. “Don’t be sorry. There’s nothing to apologise for. What matters is that we’re here. Together.”

Lelouch smiled, taking the Japanese boy’s hand in his and keeping it close. “Very well.”

Suzaku stared into the violet abyss and smiled back. “I love you, Lelouch.”

The words were distant but strangely familiar. After all, it has been a _very_ long time since he had ever said it. His tongue relished in the words of endearment, realising soon enough that saying those words put a huge smile on Lelouch’s face. And he would say it again and again _and again_ if it meant seeing him that happy.

The playboy heartbreaker Suzaku Kururugi – has finally admitted to falling in love.

 


	10. Epilogue

 

“No.”

“Please?”

Lelouch narrowed his eyes at the pouting Japanese. “For the _last time_ , no!”

Suzaku tried his luck with puppy dog eyes. “Please, Lelouch!”

“Suzaku, we can’t adopt a cat because you ‘like how soft their fur feels’,” Lelouch mumbled. “That’s not how it works. It’s a _commitment."_  

“But it’s just so soft!” Suzaku whined. “I’ll take good care of him! I promise. I even already have a name for him. Arthur!”

The grey feline’s attention drifted to Suzaku, who meowed in satisfaction. He curled around Suzaku’s leg and plopped on the floor.  

“I told you not to name him! I knew you were going to get attached. I let you feed him _once_ and that was all it took!" 

Suzaku gazed at the stray cat lovingly. He had been taking care of him for the past few weeks after Suzaku found him beside the house they just moved into. He looked so much healthier now that he was being fed properly. “We can’t just leave Arthur alone though…” He frowned, imagining Arthur back on the streets left to fend for himself.

The Britannian sighed, knowing full well that Suzaku would be heartbroken if he left Arthur as a stray. “ _Fine_. But we’re going to the vet first.”

“Really?” Suzaku jumped excitedly. “Yes! Thanks, Lelouch. You’re the best boyfriend ever!”

 _That_ was a few years ago. 

Looking back, Lelouch knew that he could never really say no to Suzaku. Not when he brought up the pout and those puppy dog eyes. Now, look where it got him.

_Three cats and a dog._

Lelouch walked into the kitchen folding his white long sleeves up. He smiled when he spotted his rescued furry family members – Arthur, Lancelot, Merlin, and of course _Snuffles_ (don’t ask - Suzaku named him, much to Lelouch’s dismay) _,_ respectively, then he chuckled at a half-ready Suzaku, who had his determined face on as he tried to teach them tricks.

“Come on! The treat is over _here_. You need to go _over here!”_ Suzaku whined. “You can’t get the treat until you do the thing. _Do the thing_!” He encouraged, gesturing wildly with his hands.

Lelouch tapped his shoulder and the Japanese male stood, a pout on and everything. “They won’t do the thing." 

He gave him a swift kiss on the cheek. “I’m sure you can do it. But you need to wrap this up. We need to leave soon." 

Suzaku mumbled something incoherent as he tried again once more. This time, by some miracle, _working_.  

“Lelouch, they did the thing!”

He smiled at the overexcited male and chuckled at his enthusiasm. He checked his watch and his eyes widened at the sight. “Our dinner reservation is in fifteen minutes!” 

“Sorry! I just got carried away and got too distracted…” He scratched the back of his head and he smiled awkwardly to hide his embarrassment.

Suzaku grabbed his black suit blazer from the coat hanger and shrugged it on, while Lelouch buttoned his dark grey vest on over his shirt.

“Ready?” Suzaku asked as Lelouch looped the tie around the other male’s neck and fixated it so it hung perfectly. 

Lelouch put a hand in his pocket, feeling the delicate velvet box that hid inside. Tonight was the night. 

The Britannian grinned. “Ready.”

 


End file.
